The 2009 ACT Int’l Conference was held in Jacksonville, FL September 17- 21.

Healing Through Social Justice: Meeting Jesus in the Marginalized

In preparation for the conference, the Ecumenical Relations Committee began to work on a presentation in October, 2008. Thinking we knew our goal, we began our work every other week on conference call. As we prayed and reflected, the Lord began to reveal to us His will in this task. Little by little God showed us who was to participate and what each ones focus was to be. We were limited in time as there were eight of us ultimately sharing our own stories of marginalization. We continued to work on our undertaking - praying, seeking direction from the Holy Spirit, sharing with one another, editing, and concluding the preparation for our mission.

Our presentations were well received and we had a question, comment, & sharing from the audience on open-mic during the last part of the plenary, as well as a workshop follow-up.

We would like to share the stories on-line for your information, especially for those who were unable to attend the IC.

We are offering the opportunity for you to bring comments, thoughts and/or questions to this website. You may submit your comments at the bottom of this page using the "Post a Comment" link. 

“We thirst!” Reclaiming Our Unity thru Our Marginalization

We will be looking at marginalization from both sides now!

Facilitator /Presenter: Jackie Sitte

Jackie Sitte, RN, CARN, LADC I, is Chair of the ACT Spiritual Life Committee & Facilitator of this Panel. She is an RN, CARN, LADC I, LRC & Psychotherapist in Private Practice; Jackie is a Retreat Leader & presents workshops & seminars for professional, Christian & lay audiences. She is a published author and resides in Stoughton, MA, south of Boston. “When I attended my first ACT IC, I felt like I’d come home!”

I will begin by sharing my experience of marginalization.

We have all been marginalized in many ways during our lives. I was marginalized from my birth. My father had just been diagnosed with active TB, so he could not touch me and I could not go home with my mother until he was found a bed in a TB Sanitarium. A woman in their apartment building, expecting her own baby in a couple of months, offered to take me and keep me in her new baby's nursery. I was with her for 9 weeks. Finally my father got admitted and my mother came and took me to her family of origin's Irish home. There was my chronically ill grandmother, alcoholic grandfather and my aunt. During the 1st 5 years of my life, my father had multiple surgeries with one full lung and a lobe of his other lung removed, and by all accounts was expected to die. I never saw him except thru a window high up in the hospital. My mother, a woman of great faith, taught me that God listens to the prayers of little children, so I prayed God would send my father home. I was an only child, and felt at times, like I was the only one in the family who really knew what was going on. I knew Jesus. I used to talk with Jesus all the time, and he with me. I was never afraid when I remembered he was near.

When I was 5, my father came home from the hospital with one lobe of a lung in place. Everyone said he was a "saint," and it was a miracle. I was still young enough to think a saint was someone who was in a hospital bed and did not put their feet on the floor for 5 years. I learned two things that early on. I say this with no malice. One was that prayer works, and the other was that you have to be careful what you pray for, as you might get it. I loved my Dad very much and learned a great deal from his life. He was a broken man with great repressed anger. He was a brilliant man, creative and was an entrepreneur, and artist in leather goods and tooling, plus worked in an appliance store. It was miraculous that he could do as much as he did. And the underside of his being was that he was also a perfectionist and a rageaholic. Whenever he needed that release, he would whip off his 'real' leather belt and hit me with it. I would say, "I won't do it again" over and over, but I never quite knew what I had done wrong, perhaps not practicing the piano enough. I was marginalized as a child when I was scapegoated constantly and abused frequently thru my father's rage, and no one stepped up to defend me. Jesus was there. I found out much later that my father hit my mother too. As I grew older I had years of struggle trying to overcome my own anger and fear, which had gone underground.

Early on as an adult and a new RN, still living at home, I would wake up in the morning paralyzed in fear. I would tell my mother that I needed to talk with someone. It was back in the day when there were only psychiatrists. She told me if I ever went to a psychiatrist I would never work as a nurse again. The secrets, fear and shame were tremendous for her. When I was married and had my three sons, I felt my anger bubbling to the top and I called my doctor and went hastily to a psychiatrist. No counselors around back then.

My father was eventually diagnosed as Bi-Polar. In 1975, my father died of medical complications to a violent suicide attempt. My three sons were in elementary school at the time. I was in a much healthier place myself by then. I wasn't going to hide the cause of his death despite his Italian family's opposition. We didn't need any more family secrets. This decision marginalized me in a new way, and also set me free.

God strengthened my resolve. He opened doors for me and I have walked thru them. "Commit to the Lord your way; trust in him, and he will act." (Ps. 37:5) Today I am grateful for my life, as God has turned it into something good. In 1978, I was Baptized in the Spirit and healed of thrombophlebitis and my fear of death. God took me apart, shuffled me up and put me back together in a different order, and I was never the same again. In 1984, I found ACT. ACT keeps me focused and ongoingly reminded that I am an instrument of the Holy Spirit. When I attended my first Int'l ACT Conference, I felt like I had 'come home.'

In everyday life, in our occupations, we all experience marginalization. In my life as a hospital nurse, my assigned patient load was often more than the acuity the patients warranted. Not only was I marginalized in those circumstances, so were the patients. Later on in my nursing career, when I worked in Admissions at an Addiction Center, the persons manning the phones often put 2 or 3 people in one 2 hour slot. This left clients waiting. It took at least 2 hours to complete one intake, history, medical review and insurance approval. It was both impossible and dangerous to move any faster and to do a complete job. Many of our Nurses in administrative positions, rather than being supportive, complained bitterly that we were slacking off. Once again, both the clients and I were marginalized. Knowing Jesus kept me grounded.

More and more is expected of nurses in a hospital setting these days— it is more of a business than a vocation. Not only nurses, but others, as well, need to keep grounded in their calling and their mission, as best they can. What is important in today's world is to go to Jesus, and bring Him with us as we do our work, whatever that work is. As people of Christ, we need to show the compassion of Christ to those we meet and pray for them quietly when we feel led. Having gained so much from ACT, ACT's support has always helped me to do the next right thing.

Now in my work, I have a private psychotherapy practice, which allows me freedom to be my own manager, and do what feels right for me. Yet the way I feel marginalized today is in the lack of appropriate health care insurance for those in need. It is a frustrating, time-consuming venture. We know that nothing is impossible to God, so once again, I go to Jesus, and He is there.

Ever since my joining ACT in '84, I have found that ACT was my family of choice. I can call an ACT sister or brother at any time for help and for prayer. When I have experienced some physical setbacks, family issues, global concerns, I feel as though I am being held in a "featherbed of prayer."

No matter what we do, life is sometimes going to leave us disappointed, hurt, overwhelmed, unappreciated, etc. The good news is that God loves us, the Holy Spirit is with us and we all have Jesus. He chose to be marginalized with us. We can always turn to him in prayer and receive comfort and peace; he knows us well as he holds us each in the palm of his hand, and stands with us in both our joy and suffering. Jesus goes before us and opens the way to which he calls us. The unification of the body of Christ keeps me on my growing edge and ACT itself gives me HOPE thru Jesus, the living Christ.

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Robert T. Sears, SJ, Ph.D. Former professor of theology at Jesuit School of Theology in Chicago, and at the Institute of Pastoral Studies of Loyola University Chicago, Fr. Bob is currently a spiritual director, counselor, workshop presenter and writer on various aspects of healing, especially intergenerational healing. He is a Board Member and spiritual director of ACT. Fr. Bob has a website: www.familytreehealing.com.

We Thirst: Reclaiming our Unity through our marginalization

ACT has an ecumenical relations committee (ERC) that works to find ways to unity while respecting our different faith traditions. We wanted to make a presentation in keeping with the Conference theme: Healing Through Social Justice: Meeting Jesus in the Marginalized. Non-Catholic members of ACT have felt the pain of being marginalized and we wanted to continue our move to respect every tradition and every one of our different gifts. When we thought of offering a panel for the whole Conference, it seemed impossible to keep that theme. Not everyone has been part of ACT’s history of ecumenical struggle. Many would find the topic of denominational marginalization irrelevant to their concerns and with no healing implications for them. “Who are the marginalized?” we asked ourselves. As we thought more about it, it became clear that we are all marginalized in some way or other. We all search to be understood and included either externally (by others) or internally (by accepting lost parts of ourselves). We have to deal not just with how we include others, but how we include ourselves and let others include the neglected parts of ourselves. When we started thinking that way, the topic fell into place.

We are not addressing this topic as the non-marginalized – as the included who are reaching out to the excluded. Adapting Pogo we can say, “we have met the marginalized, and they is us.” Interiorly, we all have parts of ourselves that we have marginalized, suppressed and hidden in shame. Our vulnerability, our wounds, our feeling misunderstood and unloved or under appreciated, those parts of ourselves that have been overlooked or dismissed and that we keep hidden. Exteriorly, as Christians our lot more and more in our increasingly secular culture is to be marginalized. We often find that as Christian health professionals in secular institutions, proclaiming the values of Jesus in a money driven environment. It can be so in our families, where our Christian values may be dismissed as unrealistic or naïve with no place in the “real world.” Feeling marginalized is not foreign to any one of us if we think deeply enough.

When we realized our solidarity with the externally marginalized, we began to see the gift they bring to us. They help us get in touch with our own hidden feelings of marginalization – our own homelessness, our shame and feelings of uselessness, our doubts about the meaning of our work or choices. They give us courage to face what we would rather not see and bring it forth for healing, and even find in it a great blessing.

As I reflected on this I realized I have felt marginalized most of my life. Through later healing prayer I realized I said in the womb, “I won’t be a burden.” I marginalized myself because I felt I was too much for my mother. In first grade, for seven months I was sick with swollen glands and was held back a year. I was different. I was caught up with scruples when preparing for first communion, and my sensitive conscience separated me from youngster pranks and later from going to “B” movies with friends, or eating after midnight with classmates and dates because I wanted to receive Eucharist at Mass the next day. A growing sense of depression and inadequacy kept me from celebrating my successes even as a Jesuit, and led me to a deep sense of isolation but then to a breakthrough of special union with God. I gradually realized that God alone knew my true self. My vocation was between me and God and that very marginalization strengthened me to be less swayed by what others thought or did. I found myself willing to learn unwelcome truths, like what we know about visiting space ships that the media keeps hidden, or the present movement to “one world order” dominated by bankers that few people, even now, seem to want to know about. I am glad to have that freedom to inquire now, and to respect others in their unique insights and call.

As our ecumenical committee continued to include ourselves with the marginalized, it became clear that Jesus not only ministered to the outcast, he himself, as Jackie said, was marginalized. He was illegitimate in the eyes of his neighbors (Jn 8:41 suggests as much), homeless when his family was exiled to Egypt, thought little of by his townspeople, thought “out of his mind” by his relatives (Mk 3:21), abandoned when he spoke of suffering, and finally abandoned even by his friends when he underwent His passion and death. He seemed most at home with the outsiders and ministered to them -- the sick and sinner, the neglected in his culture. In the end he himself was treated as an outcast – a “worm and no man” (Ps 22:6 KJV) --, with “nowhere to lay his head” (Lk 9:58). He was rejected by the Jewish leadership, and suffered the shameful death of a public sinner outside the sacred city. He was not of “this world” (Jn 8:23) and was rejected by “his own” (Jn 1:11).

Since seeing Jesus is to see the Father (Jn 14:9), God’s very being is revealed in those marginalized and rejected in this world. God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9). As Jesus came not to be served but to serve (Mk 10:45), and “emptied himself becoming like a slave, … obedient unto death” (Phil 2:7-8), so the God He reveals must be a “humble God” who identifies with the lowly. “The poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me,” Jesus said (Jn 12:8). As we listen to the stories of our panelists, we will see how God has touched them in their marginalization and brokenness. We hope their stories will help you uncover similar spiritual “cracks” in your own lives, where God’s grace has come in and will come in.

Paradoxically, it is that very fragility and weakness that has led our panelists and will lead each of us to our own unique call by God. We have learned from family systems that as we discover and express our unique truth, we experience tension and even rejection in our families and churches. Systems do not like to change, and if someone in the system changes, the system has to change. It will fight to preserve the status quo. It will reject those that don’t fit its familiar criteria. Ultimately, each one of us is unique, a particular gift from God, and only God can fully understand us and help us understand ourselves. We cannot be neatly fit into any general category, or anyone else’s criteria except God’s. Not only do we have a difficult time discovering our shadow sides, we resist our glory, our interior God image. We cover over our divine beauty with human glory and human achievement, and look down on others who don’t share the same values. Only when those human constructions – our power, position and popularity – are removed do we uncover our real truth, our fragile vulnerability yet openness to love.

Each of our stories is a revelation of vulnerability and glory, a small glimmer of the vulnerability and glory revealed by Jesus. In accepting that call to live on the margins, not of this world, we each touch our call to glory. When our story is expressed and heard in light of its divine meaning, we get healed, we get a new sense of belonging not because of what we do or have achieved but because of who we are – friends of God, formed in the image of Jesus, and friends of all the “anawim” (the little ones), who are God’s people. Each story, as each person, reveals this mystery in different light. All together they reveal the brilliance of our God who is so powerful, He can be gentle; so exalted He can be despised and rejected and reach down to the least and make her the greatest. Mary, Jesus’ mother, expressed this best – “For [God] has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed” (Lk 1:48).

That freedom to see God’s Glory shining through our brokenness releases in us a deep gratitude and love. As Jesus said of the “rejected” woman who anointed his feet (Lk 7:47) her “great love” has shown how her “many sins” have been forgiven. She will want to tell everyone about Jesus, just as the Samaritan woman overcame her shame and proudly proclaimed, “Come and see someone who told me everything I ever did!” Her story of shame became a story of glory. When we see our stories of marginalization and shame in that light, we will be signs of Jesus’ “drawing all to Him.” As you listen to the stories of our panel, see God’s glory shining through. They call us all to a unity that can only be achieved through the dying and rising of Jesus in each of us.

In the late 60s, when I was a graduate student in theology at Fordham University in the Bronx, I was new in the charismatic renewal and at a powerful prayer meeting. They all prayed so freely and I felt shame for having nothing to pray. “Lord,” I prayed, “give me something to pray.” I distinctly heard His response, “If I want to work through your foolishness, what’s that to you?” and I felt a peace and love come over me. I always remember that, so I now see my difference as “my foolishness,” becoming a fool for Christ, as Paul said, for His wisdom is foolishness for our human nature, but for those who believe, it is the true revelation of our humble and loving God.    Fr. Bob Sears

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Douglas W. Schoeninger, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and President of the Institute for Christian Healing in West Chester, PA. He grew up in the American Baptist Church and joined a Presbyterian congregation in 1972, where he was introduced to the baptism of the Holy Spirit and healing prayer. His private psychotherapy practice integrates spirituality and prayer as healing resources and is focused on the healing of persons and relationships within an intergenerational perspective. He is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin with a PhD in clinical psychology (1965). Doug studied Client Centered Therapy with Carl Rogers, Contextual Family Therapy with Ivan Nagy and Barbara Krasner, and worked for years with Kenneth McAll in the field of family tree healing. He joined ACT in 1976 and currently coordinates the work of the ACT Healing Manual Team, edits The Journal of Christian Healing and is President of ACT.

Healing an ACT Religious-Culture Wound

Douglas Schoeninger, PhD

9/10/09

When I joined ACT in 1977 I was amazed, as was my colleague and friend Bill Carr, with finding an interdisciplinary community of Christian Healthcare professionals who shared our passion to integrate the healing ministry of Jesus through prayer and the gifts of the Holy Spirit into clinical practice. After 32 years in ACT, my excitement and passion for ACT’s vision and mission have increased and deepened. One of my favorite experiences in ACT is sharing stories of the action of the Holy Spirit in the context of professional treatment: guiding the hands of a surgeon, focusing a medical diagnosis, providing insight into a disease process, liberating the capacity to love, and therefore convey God’s healing, in a psychotherapist. Along the way I began to see that essential to our being equipped to be healers with the heart of Jesus is our investment in healing the body of Christ. These are inseparable.

My conviction regarding this investment in healing the body of Christ evolved through experiences of wounding, marginalization and healing within ACT. I would like to share this process with you.

My religious culture and context is Protestant, having been raised in an American Baptist Congregation and nurtured in the Charismatic renewal in a Presbyterian Church as an adult. Currently I would call myself Christian, Protestant and non-denominational. From the beginning of my participation in ACT, I experienced ACT meetings as both Catholic and ecumenical in that the greater majority of members were Catholic and contributions from different denominational perspectives were highly valued. I think this was reflective of the tone set by the founders of ACT and the openness of the charismatic renewal across denominational boundaries in the 70s. We were excited by what we experienced the Holy Spirit doing and were finding our commonalities in the Spirit.

In 1981 at the end of an ACT International conference, a leader of ACT announced to the gathering that ACT was being consecrated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. This announcement, and the subsequent appearance of a heart shaped pool of wax about three inches distance from the base of a candle on the altar, was met with excitement by many present and one leader ecstatically pointed to the wax heart as God’s confirmation of the importance and faithfulness of the consecrations. This was truly a remarkable occurrence and the shape of a small heart interior to a larger heart made the occurrence seem even more remarkable.

At the time I was sitting in the audience with a small group of my Protestant colleagues who were also members of ACT. I was immediately disheartened, could feel the shock in my colleagues and knew in an instant that several of these Protestant members would withdraw from ACT. While I subsequently worked to retain these friends and colleagues as ACT members, arguing that God had called us here and that we were thus an important and essential part of ACT, the impact of my voice was limited. My friends, as did I, felt betrayed and alienated by this sudden rush to impose and confirm a consecration without due process, without dialogue and teaching, and consideration and incorporation of those for whom such a consecration was unfamiliar and, regarding the Immaculate Heart of Mary, even seemed heretical.

I rushed to the front of the conference room to speak with the leader, an ACT board member, about my concerns and the importance of process, digesting and examining the impact of such a consecration. I am quite sure I spoke with an alarming energy equal to his enthusiasm. There was no apparent meeting between us. I felt disregarded. I left this encounter in a quandary, believing that my word had merit and yet nursing a wound to my being and to ACT, the wound of being treated as unimportant, as not worth a hearing.

Years followed of holding a tension within myself: holding on the one hand the knowledge that I, as a Protestant person, and others of similar religious loyalties, were called to ACT and important to wholeness of ACT and on the other hand holding my experience of many encounters with ACT leaders and members saying to me either, “Become a Catholic and everything will be okay,” or, “Leave our Catholic ACT and found a Protestant ACT.”

These encounters were wounding to me. I ached to be understood and longed for greater inclusion of my Protestant brothers and sisters within ACT. I knew that I was appreciated as a person, however, there seemed to be, among many ACT members, a blindness and lack of need to know the specialness of my faith traditions and their meaning to me. It was as if others were saying, “I am complete without knowing your faith walk.” I knew that I needed others’ faith convictions and understandings and that they needed me and mine. However this understanding did not seem to be mutual. And this was not just Catholics responding to me in this way. A number of Protestant members seemed to be fine with simply learning Catholic ways and devotions, considering themselves to have joined a Catholic organization. I had to forgive, over and over again, inadvertent slights and insensitivities and to seek forgiveness for my anger, often misplaced. Yet what kept growing in me was, “We must have a hunger in ACT for the whole body of Christ,” and, “To be true to our charism of healing, we must become a microcosm of healing the broken body of Jesus.” “This is a call.” “We must know and experience that we are incomplete without each other.” I experienced the Holy Spirit growing and strengthening in me this heartbeat for ecumenical mutuality within ACT. I felt like Paul meeting with the Council in Jerusalem. I was looking for a Peter to have a transforming dream.

By staying in ACT, and pursuing my dream of unity in diversity through loving and engaging each other across our Christian religious differences, many gifts were given. I became over time increasingly sensitive, understanding and appreciative of my client’s religious loyalties, devotions and prejudices. As I minister to persons from diverse Christian communions, Catholic, Protestant, Messianic Jewish, etc. in my psychology and psychotherapy practice, this has helped me become a much more effective therapist. Of particular help has been a growing understanding of the different faith resources that could be engaged by my clients in their healing process, e.g. effective engagement of Scripture, sitting in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. My colleague, Bill Carr, and I, in leading our fledgling Institute for Christian Healing, committed ourselves to maintaining denominational diversity among our staff of therapists as we experienced the value of this diversity in ACT. And I became sensitized to the profound need for generational healing within and among the splintered factions of the Christian Church.

I also grew in understanding the deep faith convictions and devotions of my ACT brothers and sisters. I found that there is no substitute for walking intimately with someone in their spiritual experience and fighting for their inclusion. I would be the first to stand for the continued provision of daily Catholic mass at ACT conferences because I have come to know the meaning of this for many of my Catholic brothers and sisters. Likewise, I fight for the inclusion of Protestant , Jewish and Orthodox expressions. And beyond inclusion this is a matter of knowing each other and therefore a matter of healing.

At the same time the wound of my voice being disregarded (at the moment of ACT leadership consecrating ACT to the hearts of Jesus and Mary) persisted. When I was elected President-elect of ACT the wound demanded attention within me. How can I lead ACT and not heal this wound. ACT cannot afford my acting out this wound through leadership. This must be addressed in the open.

So I began to speak this wound to other ACT leaders and decided to seek healing through the Healing of the Family of ACT Subcommittee. Ann Arcieri and Denise Dolff, in particular, and significant others as well, listened to me. They appreciated my hurt, and that of my colleagues, personally and on behalf of ACT. They hurt for me. They apologized representationally for the wounding and asked my forgiveness. They owned their own part in this wounding over the years and personally asked forgiveness. I forgave. Ann offered me prayer to help me heal from the family wounds that had been triggered by and infected this wounding in the family of ACT. The prayer was deeply healing. I experienced my own mother in an entirely new way, as understanding my pain in the family and encouraging me to stand. The fear that my strength of conviction would destroy others, an accusation my father had leveled at me, loosened its hold, again, another degree. Through this ministry on behalf of ACT, I experienced myself being heard and valued as a Protestant person in the body of ACT in the moment of the original injury.

The emotional tone of that moment is now changed for me. I know, now, that the Holy Spirit’s hunger for the whole body of Jesus in ACT and for the healing of Jesus broken body, is present in ACT. Peter has had his dream. I know this because they heard me, because they and others have valued my word.

The Holy Spirit prompted us to engage each other in this healing way. Others have been released to want to know me as I want to know them. We are being released to know, without a doubt, that we are a part of each other, essential to each other’s faith walk across our various faith traditions and belongings and cultures. My wound, our wound, has become a birth story, as Paul speaks of birth pangs in Romans eight. This wound of exclusion, of being set on the margins, has become a crucible of light illumining a pathway. Gratitude and hunger have grown within my heart. Jesus is being born again between us (Ephesians 2:10). We are being enlarged. God is making us a new wineskin. The diversity that we are and the diversity that we shall be will find a home in ACT because we belong to God’s story. We are His body.

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Susan TePas is a retired pastoral psychotherapist. She has a degree in Pastoral Counseling from Loyola University Chicago and a certificate from the two year training program at the Family Institute Chicago. She also completed a two year training program in Spiritual Direction. Susan and her husband, Ted, are currently volunteers at the new Life Shelter for women and children run by Good News Partners a Christian outreach. Susan and Ted are past coordinators of Region 12 and she currently is a member of the Regional Council. Susan was also a member of the ACT Board of Directors. During her term she served on the committee which drafted the procedures for Reconciliation and Dialogue. She also helped draft the guidelines for the Circles of Inquiry. Susan is committed to healing through dialogue and reconciliation in which all voices are respectfully heard.

ACT 2009 Ecumenical Panel

When first ask to speak on this panel, I thought, oh no, not with my voice. Prayerfully I recognized that my voice (spastic dysphonia, the technical name) does deter my voice being expressed and heard leading to my own experience of marginalization. In my post graduate training my supervisor was hesitant to assign me clients. Professionally my voice prevented me from giving talks and doing workshops. That same disability led me to ministry with those in half way houses and shelters where I was truly blessed by witnessing the amazing faith of these disposed persons.

My ACT story begins with the 1980 international conference in Glorieta. At Mass I received the Jesus Body from a Catholic priest and His Blood from Rev. Joe Wright, a Presbyterian minister. At last, I felt, unity in my personal and ancestral division. That communion experience was not repeated in ACT. Why was it so meaningful for me?

Before I continue my ACT story I have been very blessed in ACT by the teaching and prayer for generational healing beginning with Dr. Ken McAll. My personal healing is on going and as long as the Body of Christ is divided, I will continue to mourn. In the Beatitudes Jesus says, blessed are they who mourn…

After the ACT conference in 1981 in Malvern, PA my husband, Ted, and I drove to Lancaster, Pa and found my mother’s cousin on duty at the Historical Society. Providentially the person who had documented the roadside grave yards was also there and he directed us to the intersection of two country roads where my first North American ancestor was buried in 1727. The Historical Society held a copy of the book describing Witwers’ coming to America. My first North American ancestors on my mother’s side were Mennonites who came to this country to escape the persecution by the Catholics. The Edict of Nante made death the penalty for all who did not recant their “heretical beliefs”. My Mennonite ancestors lived in the Swiss Palatinate just across the border from my father’s Catholic ancestors. Many of my Mennonite ancestors were beheaded.

Fast forward in time to my parents’marriage. My father a non-practicing Catholic married my mother a Presbyterian in a civil ceremony. Then World War II came and my father was in the Army and wanted to have his marriage blessed. To do so my mother had to promise to raise the children as Catholics. At this time there were two of us myself and my younger brother. I was baptized at age 5. As an adult I have considered that a forced baptism. This past mother’s day Ted said he should thank my mother for raising us Catholic as we would not have met otherwise! Our God brings blessings out of trauma.

I have always considered myself a Christian who happens to practice as a Catholic. I claim and am grateful for the dual heritage that I have from the Protestant and Catholic sides of my family. I do not know how I can in reality separate my one self into two when it comes to receiving Communion. ACT follows the policy of the Catholic Church when celebrating the Roman Catholic liturgy and consequently those who are not Catholic are not officially invited to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus. Because I am first a Christian, this policy of the Catholic Church does not made sense to me. My understanding is that “the Sabbath is made for man not man for the Sabbath.” Neither does this make sense to me as a woman. I cannot imagine inviting guests to my home and then not feeding those who are not Catholic. For several years I served the ACT community as sacristan for both Catholic and Protestant services. Since it is physically impossible to receive Communion and have it nourish just one part of my body, for several years I abstained from the Roman Catholic Eucharist. I served my Roman Catholic sisters and brothers preparing the table for them but I did not receive. When the celebrants of the Christian liturgies invited all baptized Christians who wished to come to the table, I came tearfully and joyfully. I was received for who I am, a Christian.

Fast forward again to the Baltimore Conference in 2005 . Since my original baptism had been under duress, I wanted to choose to renew my baptism as a Christian. I wanted water from a Protestant church and water blessed by a Catholic priest to be poured over me. Doug and Frances Schoeninger and Fr. Bob Sears renewed my baptism with me in my hotel room. I am baptized into the one body of Christ where there is neither Jew or Gentile, Protestant or Catholic. As Jesus says in John, “It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you …. This I command you, love one another.” John 15:16-17

So how do we love one another each of us chosen by Christ, in the midst of divisions and conflicts? Step back with me to last year’s conference at Mundelein and the closing Mass on Monday. The celebrant, Fr. Joseph Mary Marshall, shared in his homily his sadness and concern that so many Catholics received communion at the Protestant liturgy the previous day. It would have been better, he felt, to stand in the pain of separation and intercede for the healing of the Body. Immediately, I was triggered with shame, that I was being judged as having done something wrong. Along with shame there was hurt and anger .It is humbling to still be triggered at 70! Since I did not know Fr. Joseph Mary personally I felt hesitant to talk with him. It was through the ACT Ecumenical Relations sub committee that later we were able to dialogue. I came to know, understand, respect his beliefs and love him. I felt he heard and received in my point of view.

I do not think my viewpoint is the only truth or that others are wrong. As it is written in the Vatican II document on the Church in the Modern World differences can lead to pride in self and contempt for others. This document creates a climate of respect that does not allow for beheading of “heretics” and it calls me in turn to not be judgmental of others. We can remain firm in what we believe knowing we are called to acknowledge what is honorable in one another.

I pray that the Spirit increase our love for every member of the Body so we may become what we are called to be, the sign of God’s love to the world.

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Father Joseph Mary Marshall is currently the Pastor of St. Mary Magdalen Catholic Church in San Antonio, Texas. He has been a member of ACT since 1981 and active in Healing Ministry since then. He is a member of a new Charismatic Religious order called “The Brothers of the Beloved Disciple” founded by Fr. George Montague and Fr. Bob Hogan. They are headquartered in San Antonio. While he has worked primarily in parish ministry for many years, he also has worked extensively as a chaplain to “Courage” and with a number of “Exodus” referral ministries which help those with same-sex attraction, find new identity and freedom in Christ.

Fr. Joseph Mary Marshall

St. Theresa of Avila said, “More tears are cried over answered prayers than over unanswered ones.” This may be true for me and my experience of marginalization. As those of you who know my story understand, greatly influenced by the remarkable testimonies of healing that I heard through listening to ACT conference talks, I renounced the gay lifestyle about 30 years ago and through the instrumentality of ACT began the journey of healing which led me to my true identity as a child of God and his priest. It was humbling to come to understand that part of my acceptance of a gay identity was a kind of rebellion against God. It was also frightening to discover (again through ACT) that Satan is real and the embracing of a gay identity was a part of his efforts to seduce me away from my true identity in Christ.

My embracing of a gay identity had been influenced by worldly thinking to a certain extent, and certainly by my flesh, but an even more compelling influence for me was the writings of a number of dissenting Catholic moral theologians which I had read in college. A subtle seduction had taken hold of me during those years during which I grew to the point where I thought these theologians and I were wiser than the Church’s teaching. I thought that we were on the “right side” in our demand for change and that the church and the world needed to catch up with us. So, after my conversion, realizing how much pain I had brought to myself and others by my disobedience, I made a personal commitment to be obedient to the Catholic Church and its teachings, from that point on.

Well, the great irony now, is that the world has caught up with my pre-conversion ideas! All that I had prayed for back in those days has now come true: the world and many Christians, too, are justifying the homosexual lifestyle, demanding gay marriage, and demanding the Church change along with it. And now I am marginalized as a convinced Catholic who opposes such demands. (Thus the reference to my opening quote from St. Teresa)

As a priest I seek to teach others to be obedient to Catholic teachings. And as a Catholic pastor, I must help those entrusted to my pastoral care, to understand that we can’t make up our own morality. I encourage people not to be “cafeteria Catholics” picking and choosing what they want to believe. I have to encourage couples who are not married in the Church get their marriages blest in order that they may receive the sacraments worthily. I have to gently help those preparing for marriage to understand that having an active sexual relationship prior to marriage is still known as the sin of fornication. I must explain to young people today that masturbation is not a harmless habit, but also a sin and that we either must repent and refrain from such sin (and go to confession when we fall into sin), or refrain from receiving the Eucharist.

Like all teachings of the Catholic Church, this is firmly based in scripture. You may or may not be familiar with the following words of St Paul from 1 Cor. 11: 27-28: Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and the blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup.

This passage challenges me and confronts me both as an individual and as a shepherd of souls. The verses which follow it are even stronger and demand both more discernment and reflection and I invite you to look them up.

ACT has played a very important part in my and my family’s spiritual journey and I see it as an important part of my spiritual heritage. But since my ordination, it has become a source of unease and ambivalence as each year at our international conference I have to face the tension caused by the gap between our written policy about the reception of Holy Communion – which states that we follow the guidelines given by the Catholic Church – and the actual practice of the membership. I do not wish to judge or condemn anyone by my remarks, but as Susan mentioned in her sharing, I raised the issue at last year’s conference closing Mass, of my concerns about how we participate in each other’s communion services when we are not, in fact, in complete “communion” with one another. Given my past, in which I would have unthinkingly supported open communion, it is another irony that this is now a part of my experience of marginalization. To want to stand up for the teaching of my Church and to want to be an obedient son of the Church, subjects me to another kind of judgment and misunderstanding; that of being exclusive and inhospitable.

In my other ecumenical involvements, the Catholic church’ guidelines about reception of Holy Communion are respected and observed, even though those guidelines are not always understood, and certainly not agreed with. As anyone knows who has observed me functioning at the Masses at ACT, I do not believe in denying Holy Communion to anyone who presents themselves. And I do not present myself for communion at our Protestant services. I do this not only to be obedient to my Church’s teaching, but also because I understand that we are not, in fact, in full “communion” with one another in our convictions and teachings.

I used the analogy at that Mass last year of a married couple having serious problems and how making love, does not make the problems go away. But as I’ve reflected upon it since then, the truer analogy is that we are more like a divorced couple seeking reconciliation and this reconciliation cannot be achieved simply by marital intimacy.

In past years I was strongly engaged in Protestant ministries with the Exodus conferences and ministries which help people find freedom from same-sex attractions. But as a Catholic, I would never take issue with the leadership and tell them that they had to accommodate my Catholic convictions about Holy Communion. I participated as fully as possible in their conferences and the various Exodus ministries with which I’ve been involved, but never did I have to compromise my Catholic beliefs or convictions.

Many years ago at an ACT conference I remember Sr. Jeanne Hill and Rev. Joe Johnson weeping at the foot of the Cross at the end of one of our Masses in response to the word about the Body of Christ being broken. It is not easy remaining at the foot of the Cross. It is not comfortable staying in the place of marginalization, or feeling misunderstood, but I sense that this is where the Holy Spirit is calling me for now. What has encouraged me is the honesty of the dialogue that has been taking place among us even as we have been putting this presentation together. And even more encouraging is the love that exists between us. While it is painful to stand beneath the Cross and while I know there are certainly more tears to be cried before our prayers are answered, we all know that the story does not end there. The broken body of Christ is made whole in the resurrection.

As I wrote this last section, I suddenly realized that the icon for my religious community is the scene at the foot of the Cross from JN 19: 25-30 and it dawned on me that perhaps this is another facet of my vocation. In John’s Gospel the Spirit is first “handed over” upon Jesus’ death. The Holy Spirit is present in our pain, our confusion and our uncertainty about what comes next, but it’s not the end of the story. No, there’s joy in what is to come. For now, I am called to stay in this place of tension, with its discomfort, sorrow and tears, while knowing that something much greater will take place.

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Stephanie F. Cave, M.D. M.S. FAAFP is a family physician who practices in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She received an M. S. in clinical chemistry in 1978 and an M.D. in 1983 from Louisiana State University Medical School and completed a residency in family medicine in 1986. She has a ministry treating special needs children and has cared for over 10000 autistic children since 1996. Her adult practice includes nutritional therapy for cancer patients following chemotherapy and other medical problems such as autoimmune disorders, bowel disease, hormone imbalance in males and females, and natural approaches to the treatment of depression and anxiety. Stephanie has been on the clinical faculty of Louisiana State University Medical School for 23 years. She teaches medical students and residents and has lectured in several countries on autism and vaccines. She authored a book in 2001, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children’s Vaccinations, giving parents and professionals a safer way to give vaccines. The revised edition will be out in early 2010. “ I joined ACT in the late 1980’s and, as a result, completely changed my medical practice, dedicating it to the heart of Jesus, the true healer.”

ACT Conference------September, 2009----Stephanie F. Cave, M.D., M.S. FAAFP

I have probably been marginalized most of my life. I remember feeling that I approached things differently from my peers or siblings. This carried over into my medical career. I started practice in family medicine in 1986 and by 1995 I found myself in the chapel of the hospital after I had been with patients in ICU through the night. I handed everything over to Jesus at that time. It had drained the life out of me and I asked him to rework the practice so that I would have more time for other aspects of my life. Within 2 weeks I saw autistic children for the first time. I went right back to Jesus and asked for a plan or a protocol for the children. All I could see was that he was giving me more work. Within 1 week I had a plan for them on my desk that involved normalizing their biochemistry. The first few did well so the flood gates opened and before I knew it I was seeing children from 10 countries. Our parking lot resembles the United Nations at times. We are helping doctors to set up similar practices in Italy, Budapest, Poland, London, Hong Kong, Australia, Thailand, Ireland and many others. This is a worldwide epidemic. It is not just confined to the United States.

Because I had been the family doctor for 12 years, I had several thousand patients that I had to notify about the changes that I had made. There was no way that I could maintain a primary care practice and see the children at the same time. One visit with the families of autistic children might take 2 hours. You have to prepare to be slapped, bitten, have water poured on you and toys thrown at you while you talk to parents through the screams and wild behavior of the child. The only tougher road would be 24/7 with the same. The parents have that road. I do not, and I know if I stay in the circle with the family, the child will improve—and possibly will totally turnaround. I am only able to see 5 patients per day.

One of my prior patients was vice president of the hospital. When I told her what I had done to change the practice, she said that the hospital had planned to implement a complementary medicine program for patient care and that they had wanted me to help them to establish it. She went on to say that in view of the direction that I had chosen to go, the hospital did not need my expertise anymore. She even asked me what I would do if I ran out of children since I was obviously “ruining” my practice.

Feeling really marginalized at the time I went back to my office which was in the hospital building. Before I opened the door to the office I asked Jesus for a sign to let me know if this was coming from him or if I was changing the practice myself. When I opened the door I saw the employees hanging a picture of me, an autistic child, and Jesus with his arms around us. It was a Christmas present that one of the patients, not associated with autism, had sent. The miracle of the picture was that, in the original photograph that the artist had seen, the child was trying to get away from me. In the picture that she drew, the child was sitting looking into my eyes. I got the message very clearly. In the past 13 years I have seen over 10000 autistic children. Many have actually normalized to the point that no one suspects that they were ever autistic. Most of what I do is to put all of the nutrients on paper through lab tests and replace the cellular contents so that the brain chemistry has what it needs to function.

If you want to meet some marginalized people, come to my office. I not only take care of the special needs children, but also patients that have been from office to office with complaints that would try anyone’s patience. They find solace with my crew and, in most cases, their medical needs are met. I pray with all that will pray with me and we all realize that Jesus is the real healer. I even entertained an angel one day---I think. An old women came into the office on a day that I was under particular stress. My husband was in the hospital following a TIA and I was trying to reschedule patients so that I could get back to the hospital. She walked into the treatment room and said, “Honey, you look like you need some prayer.” For the next 40 minutes she sang songs of praise and prayed with me. She then left the room. I went out into the hall to see where she was and I was told that the patient who was supposed to be seen at that time had cancelled her appointment. My employees did not see the woman and did not hear her songs of praise. It was a phenomenal morning. I guess being marginalized is not always unpleasant.

My situation does not compare in severity when I look at the special needs children that we care for in our practice. They are the most marginalized people in our society and the majority cannot tell you how they feel. Many are in constant pain from colitis and this may account for the behavior and sleep problems at night. They have genetic predispositions that set them up to have problems after the vaccines that are mandated by law. Insurance does not compensate the parents for care and the court that was set up for them on a national level does not recognize the connection between the vaccines and the autism. In many cases the vaccine court is adversarial to these families. The children do, however, have a strong spiritual sense when compared to children without neurological problems. I had one little boy who had not spoken for 5 years. He looked at a crucifix over my door and shouted, “Jesus is hurting. Take him down.” He did not speak again for 12 months. The blessings that they bring us are countless.

These children are the tiny, damaged mitochondria in the nuclei of the cells in the eucharistic body of Christ. Mitochondria, in the nuclei of each cell ,are the power houses where energy is produced. The mitochondria of the children have been damaged—probably for several reasons. Vaccines account for the majority of the explainable ones. I was told by a priest back in 1998 that autism was caused by vaccines. He got this in prayer and he went further to say that aborted human fetal tissue was involved. I did not know at the time that many of the live viral vaccines were grown in human tissue. The DNA from the fetus can get into “hot spots” on the X chromosome of the child receiving the vaccines and hurt the neurological system and mitochondria. The interest in this has recently revived. Many of you probably received a copy of an article on the internet in the past two weeks. This could have been the seed for autism and the thimerosal and environment pushed it further. This involves another marginal group, the aborted fetuses. We are losing aborted fetuses daily and we are losing a whole generation of autistic children—1/74 now.

Because I do not follow the others in the way I treat these children, I have been criticized by my colleagues. I have defended my practice in letters to the editor of the local newspaper, in a Congressional hearing, in a state legislative hearing, in my office with patients, and with the Louisiana Board of Medical Examiners. I was even reprimanded by one of our ACT members when I gave the talk about my work in Kentucky. Jesus stood with me throughout the process and the outcomes have been positive. I guess I had to be marginalized personally and professionally to see the heart of the marginalized Jesus in the patients.

I had an interesting situation occur recently in the hospital. I was in the elevator and I was joined by one of the neurologists. He and I were the only ones in the elevator at the time. He mentioned to me with a lot of enthusiasm that he had found a natural way to treat restless leg syndrome. It was melatonin and magnesium. I told him that I had used that treatment for years with success. He said, “That would follow since you have been on the edge for a number of years.” I answered him by saying that I have been in dead center for a long time and that he was finally finding his way there. “Touche’,” he said and walked off.

I guess that is what I have learned over the years is that as long as we continue to be faithful to the teachings of Jesus, he will be marginalized with us. This, after all, is “dead center”.

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Jeremy Ashton is a long time ACT member. He provides Ministry in Pentecostal, mainline Protestant churches, and in ACT & Fishnet. He was Chair of the Ecumenical Relations Committee in the ‘90s, currently an active member of ACT Spiritual Life Committee. “Meeting & knowing Jesus has been primary & central in my life. The Lord has given me profound healing from the effects of abuse & lack of parenting. Through ACT, & from Mary, the mother of Jesus, I experienced considerable and remarkable healing of ‘the mother wound.’ The Ministries of ACT, my wife, Maggie, Ken McAll, Rev. Russ Parker & others helped me on a long journey of ancestral healing.” Jeremy lives in VT & is currently completing a Master’s Degree in Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Counseling. “One of my favorite things is sharing life with others on the journey through ‘issues’ into the peace of the Lord. Today I am a disciple of Jesus!”

ONE HEART

Marginalized INTO Unity

Jeremy Ashton

There is a four letter word I’m learning not to use: THEM. Let me tell you why.

From very early in life, I have experienced being caught in the middle between diverse cultures. Children of divorces can feel this way also. Where do I belong? From early teens, I was aware of the tensions between modern and traditional, the right and the left, religion and intellectualism.

Having tried a focus on radical politics, I made a definite commitment, in my twenties, to New Age. A firm choice like this, to turn one way or the other, can lead to a learning experience. I learned in this New Age experience that, for me, there was no emotional and spiritual healing. That was the primary reason I turned to Jesus. Right away I was marginalized in the sense that none of my old friends, at that stage, had gone that way, and, as it seemed, none of my family of origin. I was afraid of the scorn people had for Christianity.

But then one might equally fear the rejections Christians have for one another, depending on their loyalty within the Body of Christ. Immediately I felt these tensions- not just mainline against Pentecostal, but even my pentecostal friends against each other. I was Pentecostal at heart but in a mainline church for social and family reasons. I tried to solve the problem by choosing a side. A chance came to leave the mainline Protestants. I had to move to another town; now I could switch with minimal social stress.

I thought, "Great! Now I can be a Pentecostal!" But the new town had lots of churches and I wanted to do the Lord's will. So I said to God, "I want to be in an alive church where regular members at least talk about you. I'll try different ones. When an ordinary member speaks of You to me, I'll know it's the one". God did not seem to mind my manipulative prayer, but God has a sense of humor. I tried different churches in the new town. After a few Sundays, still no lay person spoke to me of God. Then I went to a traditional, mainline, Protestant church- a Presbyterian church. There, Fred Douglas, a lay member, spoke of the Lord in glowing terms to me.

"OK, Lord, I hear You."

Not all of these Presbyterians were as alive as Fred. Still, I stayed.

Why did God want me in a church that, at times, barely seemed to believe He was there? I eventually went to seminary; there the conflict was intense between a dominant analytical and political approach on the one hand and the quiet, hidden faith in a living God which some of us maintained at the seminary. I felt marginalized there simply because I wanted to believe God is a person who can do things, not an intellectual abstraction or a trend.

Eventually, the Lord showed me one major reason for my being Presbyterian. It had nothing to do with Presbyterianism being more correct. It is that it EXISTS IN MY ANCESTRY and heritage. So what does that mean? Do I have to be what my ancestors were? Through marriage or birth we often end up with the other group somehow in our families. God allowed me into- and led me into- the breach between warring faith traditions as it existed in my ancestry and as it exists now. In World War I they called it “no man’s land”, between the trenches- a deadly place, because you could get hit from either side. In my work as a Christian school leader I was caught in such a place. The school Board was a noncharismatic, fundamental group. They assumed, never asking, that I was not charismatic. They believed the gifts and miracles ended after the New Testament was formed. The school existed so their children wouldn't have to attend the Pentecostal school. But we needed more members. They showed up: Pentecostals, hands raisers, tongues-speakers. At the reins of these two groups, I felt pulled apart. Meanwhile, my fellow Presbyterians couldn't understand why anyone would want to have a Christian school.

It had not sunk in yet, but the Lord was not going to let me run and hide by adhering to any one piece of His broken Body. Others are called there, but I was not. In fact, one night Jesus clearly said to me, “Jeremy- let go of your doctrine”. John 7:17: “If anyone wants to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority.” I fall short of God’s will, therefore my doctrine will fall short of Jesus’ depth.

I’ve been too ready to think the Holy Spirit doesn’t visit some kinds of churches. Time after time, in churches where I did not expect it, the Holy Spirit showed up. This is awkward for me, because it means I can’t get away with rejecting any of the splintered parts of His Body. I can’t huddle over on one side. My marginalization is: I can’t fully belong in any one denomination. I was finding myself called to support and pray for many, but belong to none.

Of course, the divide that we feel in ACT is Protestant and Catholic. As my journey moved further into ACT, I found I wanted to be Catholic. I found a lifelong devotion to Mary, and I became very Eucharistic. My simple deduction was, OK, I’m supposed to be Catholic.

I went to a priest’s gathering at Steubenville to seek the Lord on this. Many people there were charismatic, and quite capable of giving me a word from the Lord. It came in a way I did not want to hear. My ministry was to be obscure, marginal, among the marginalized. I even had Briege McKenna pray with me; it was the same word; there was no direction to enter the Catholic church.

Over the last several years, I have prayed for and with native Americans who often can't feel welcome in normal denominational contexts. I work with people who don't even know their heritage- people for whom belonging is not very available. Jesus is there among those without an identifiable church home. He loves those who don’t belong- the marginalized. Perhaps being religiously marginalized like this give me a place to intercede. I’m too Marian and too Eucharistic to be Protestant, too charismatic to be mainline, too lay-oriented (not so clergy-oriented) to be Catholic, too mystery-oriented to be Fundamental, too Biblical for many educated clergy. My marginalization is that I don’t have a religious address; it’s a kind of homelessness; I have no explanation for my position or my calling- it doesn’t have a name. Maybe the Lord does call some people to be with Him among the lampstands. It was among the churches- not in any one- where my Christian journey was launched, 30 years ago.

The enemy of souls was trying to kill me. I was having delusional, suicidal thoughts. I was experiencing terrible darkness. This was because I had just accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior and having spent years deep in occultic pursuits, I was in extreme spiritual conflict. In that obscure little town, leaders from the Presbyterian, Lutheran, Baptist & Pentecostal churches, and perhaps an Anglican (episcopalian), and Catholics who I had known- these all came and laid hands on me and I renounced a long list of occultic attachments. Of course I needed more healing, but I was saved from death or insanity, and launched into a Christian life, by the one instrument sufficient to magnify the power of the Lord to snatch me from that death-darkness:

The one Body praying in one accord for one purpose.

Lord, help me never call Your people THEM- only US. Holy Spirit, come, and cause us to pray as one body for the healing & transformation You wish to do among us.

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Austin J. Joyce, D.Min., LMFT, works in a private practice with individuals, couples and families in King of Prussia, PA. He is Clinical Director for Dream Catcher Farm: Equine Assisted Learning Programs working with children, adolescents and adults who have autism, Aspergers Syndrome, mental retardation and other severe behavior problems. He works part-time as a chaplain at Norristown State Hospital in PA

Still On the Journey

I was introduced to ACT by my beloved friend, Doug S. in 1978. When I learned what this group of wounded healers was about my spirit “lept for joy”. Finallly I had found a community who loved the living God; understood their personal need for healing; took seriously their mission to bring the healing power of Jesus Spirit into the helping professions. In the wilderness of my journey I had been led to an oasis of grace. Our region 3 meetings were vibrant; hopeful and focused on personal and professional healing, teaching and resourcing one another . I have received personal healing prayer; professional encouragement; and an ever deepening sense of community in my time with this association.

Having been graced with a belief in God which likely is a transgeneratinal legacy through a family and faith of Irish Catholicism by my mid twenties, I was desperate with an insatiable hunger for what seemed to me a very distant God. I arrived at the Christian community of L’Abri founded by Francis Schaffer in the mountains of Switzerland in February of 1975. I had given up that I would ever find the real God of Abraham , Isaac and Jacob, the God and Father of Jesus. I knew about this God; I despaired that He knew or cared about me. On my 3rd day in the community I was invited to sit in on a small group and to listen to a tape by one of the community teachers. As the talk ended the teacher said that “Jesus was God” (in that moment I felt my spirit sink because I already was tortured by that truth); next came “Jesus was also human”. At that moment a shower of love flooded over my body and spirit as I was drawn into a mystical experience and met by the living God. I returned to my home and began a new quest: to get more of this God. My journey led me to a Presbyterian church where people worshipped this God and expressed the gifts of His Spirit. My early years with ACT fueled my search for more of God’s presence and ministry. I wasn’t prepared that ACT, like other secular and religious organizations would have their own brokenness to deal with. My relationship by 1980 was fraying at the edges. Was ACT a Roman Catholic organization? Who was allowed to receive communion? Why was the vitality of the Spirit being dragged into personal, political and ecclesiastical battle lines? In a meeting with the leadership I was told that Protestants would be tolerated but ACT was Roman Catholic. Unintentionally the wounds of my childhood were exposed in this encounter and I felt the pain of being on the outside looking in. Overall, still raw and with many parts of me not healed my spirit felt pounded and defeated. By 1982 I left ACT feeling more wounded and marginalized than when I arrived.

I gave up but not my beloved friend, Doug, who continued to walk with me into the wilderness of God’s grace. With Doug’s support and my unquenchable passion for more of the God who met me on the mountain top, I reengaged my membership with ACT in 2004. The words of the prophet Isaiah began to incarnate “ I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through there iron bars. And will give you the treasures of the darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, In order that you may know that it is I, The Lord , the God of Israel who calls you by your name.” Is.45:2-3 At the International Conf. last year the caring , courage and love of Denise Dolff and Katsey Long ushered into my being healing for a wound I had carried for over 50 years. If we do this for each other surely how much more so will we be able to bring the Good News to a hurting world. I recognize that the body of Christ on earth remains fragmented but deep in our transgenerational memories is the call to unity in the Trinity through the cross. ACT is called to embody this terrible grace of unity: now. I have come to understand that in the Christian tradition, my and perhaps our, marginalization is a place of transition not a permanent location. I have had confirmed , anew, my call to ministry as a member of ACT through the words of the prophet Is. “And those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; You will raise up the age old foundations, And you will be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets in which to dwell.” Is.58:12 We have always been an organization that understands personal healing at the center of Jesus redemption through the cross. Now might we consider afresh the healing of His world for “…the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness there of…”. (PS 24:1) In his epic biography Witness To Hope , George Weigel writes about Pope John Paul’s vision for Christian unity, “The goal—the unity of the Church willed by Christ--- already exists, as a gift to the Church from Christ. Christians don’t create Christian unity. Christ creates the unity of the Church, and ecumenism’s task is to bring that already given unity to expression in history. ” (pg.763) I am a member of the Body of Christ; I remain a member of ACT so that my personal brokenness and public ministry can continue to be saturated with God’s mercies and graces while I serve my Lord until at last I rest in the heart of the Trinity. Jesus blesses me to be an instrument of His healing redeeming love. My particular call will manifest HIS kingdom in direct proportion to my picking up my cross and following Jesus; as I yield self confidence to Christ centeredness and I let go of needing to know and accept that “Unless the Lord builds the house (we) labor in vain who build it.” (PS 127:1) Therefore I am drawn into “… quietness and trust before the Holy One” (Is. 30:15b) who is my center. As Fr. Bob has said, we are an individuated community called forth to serve all of God’s creation. We are an organization that asks some tough questions and we do not submit to easy or evasive answers. We struggle with our traditions; issues of personal and ecclesiastical authority; we try to respect differences even when our spirits cry out for unity. As for me I believe that I am and we are loved by God; chosen; accepted; sent forth; and are to bear witness to the image of God. I am learning that the paradox of my (our) calling is that I am marginalized in a world already redeemed by Jesus. I hope I look like a fool for Christ in my mission. I don’t bring ministry to the marginalized; rather the Spirit of God allows me to see in the culture of death the resurrection of the living God as I participate in His mission, mercy, justice and above all love. May we enter the Trinity together as the “hidden treasures” of Christian unity are revived in our midst.

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We thank Gaylene Baier, who did not share a presentation, however was devotedly an important part of the Ecumenical Relations Committee. Gaylene stayed with us during every conference call for over a year, praying, taking notes, offering thoughts and editing possibilities to each of us. Her faithfulness, prayers, effort, and contributions were of great value in bringing about the final outcome of the Panel Presentations.

Thank you, Gaylene & God bless you!!!

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If anyone wishes to purchase a DVD of the Panel presentation, please contact Robin Caccese @ rcaccese@enter.net or 610-582-5571, or for a CD, contact Vince Curtin @ Word of the Spirit Tape Ministry in Ontario Canada @ 905-305-8706